My French Press is broken. Troy accidentally broke it while trying to wash it in the kitchen sink. I heard the shattering noise and quickly ran to him as I examined what had happened - “This is why I didn’t want to help you!” -he yelled with a defensive tone. It made me mad that my coffee press was broken, I could’ve yelled back... but instead something different happened. I said- “ I am sorry, I should’ve helped you.” And his face changed from defensive to vulnerable. He immediately fell into my arms and started sobbing: “I am so sorry, mami! I didn’t want to break your coffee pot, I ruined it. I am so sorry.” My heart broke and I immediately decided I didn’t care about the French press anymore.... I responded with: “ you are way more important than a coffee press, Troy. I can get another one. It was an accident and it’s all okay.” We sat on the kitchen floor and hugged for a while. He couldn’t stop crying. He truly felt bad. And I did too. I felt bad because there have been way more times when my response has been different. I have blamed him for not focusing or for being careless. I have shown my frustrations and communicated to him, somehow, that things are more important than him. No wonder he was defensive!
Oh, my little boy! You teach me so much! I never want you to think that things, schedules or goals are more important than you, my son. I am sorry for the times I have failed to teach you that. I am learning too! I am learning to be present even when a thousand things are calling my attention. I am learning to enjoy our present instead of focusing of what is next. I am learning to be the mami you need me to be.
Thank you for your grace towards me, my little love.
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