A year ago today I went into labor at 6:00am. I had a peaceful, beautiful time at home with my husband, mom, friends and doula preparing for Troy's entrance into this world. We talked, walked around Austin College, prayed and then after being in bathtub for quite a while we decided it was time to go to the hospital- at 11:00pm. And that's when terrible happened. I have blurs of memories laboring in the bathroom and then going through painful check-ups just to tell me... I was still at a 7 in dilation. You see, I had plans to have a non-medicated natural birth, but that wasn't going to happen at this hospital. Not for a new mother, not with these doctors. I should've known better, but I didn't know.
After long hours of laboring hard and finally pushing for an hour and no baby- I was sent to the operation room: for a c-section. Troy was born at 10: 26pm: beautiful, healthy, perfect at 9lbs, 9oz.
I will never know if a natural birth was truly a possibility for my body with Troy's birth. Maybe it was that he was too big to fit through the birth canal, or maybe it was the environment that made my body stall and not continue as planned. Who knows? God knows.
For weeks and months I tortured myself with the what ifs and what nots. I cried and doubted. All while learning to care for a newborn and trying to recover from my surgery. I couldn't even see all my natural birth books without being mad. Why did I prepare so much for nothing; I thought. I even doubted about God's presence during my labor.
A year has passed and I still mourn that experience. I've been anxious and keeping myself busy all of this week. And today, while trying to center myself and pray- I knew why: my mind is trying to not go back to that dark time. Yes, Troy is our joy. He is healthy. He is funny and loving and perfect. I can't imagine my life without my son. He is truly a gift from God. I do not want his birthdays to be a symbol of darkness, but of light: God's light.
So, today I celebrate that God is good. He is good ALL time time. No matter my circumstances, HE is there. He is my rock, my strength, my strong tower. God was present in Troy's birth. He has been present throughout his first year of life. It has been the hardest year of my life, but also a year of truly learning to rely on the All-knowing God- because I have to. I couldn't do it without Him.
God is good, ALL the time and Troy is evidence of that. Happy birthday, little one!
After long hours of laboring hard and finally pushing for an hour and no baby- I was sent to the operation room: for a c-section. Troy was born at 10: 26pm: beautiful, healthy, perfect at 9lbs, 9oz.
I will never know if a natural birth was truly a possibility for my body with Troy's birth. Maybe it was that he was too big to fit through the birth canal, or maybe it was the environment that made my body stall and not continue as planned. Who knows? God knows.
For weeks and months I tortured myself with the what ifs and what nots. I cried and doubted. All while learning to care for a newborn and trying to recover from my surgery. I couldn't even see all my natural birth books without being mad. Why did I prepare so much for nothing; I thought. I even doubted about God's presence during my labor.
A year has passed and I still mourn that experience. I've been anxious and keeping myself busy all of this week. And today, while trying to center myself and pray- I knew why: my mind is trying to not go back to that dark time. Yes, Troy is our joy. He is healthy. He is funny and loving and perfect. I can't imagine my life without my son. He is truly a gift from God. I do not want his birthdays to be a symbol of darkness, but of light: God's light.
So, today I celebrate that God is good. He is good ALL time time. No matter my circumstances, HE is there. He is my rock, my strength, my strong tower. God was present in Troy's birth. He has been present throughout his first year of life. It has been the hardest year of my life, but also a year of truly learning to rely on the All-knowing God- because I have to. I couldn't do it without Him.
God is good, ALL the time and Troy is evidence of that. Happy birthday, little one!
Ay mi Clelita hermosa! Justo hace rato estaba recordando q hace un año ya estabas en labor de parto !! Gracias a Dios por la vida de Troy q ha sido bendición no solo para ustedes si no para toda la familia !! Alomejor la forma que querías q llegara a este mundo no fue la planeada por ti pero si la de Dios y lo mejor es q El tiene el control y siempre es para bien de sus hijos quizá no lo entendemos hoy pero le entenderemos cuando estemos cara a cara con EL!! El siempre va querer fortalecer nuestro carácter para parecernos mas a Cristo y prepararnos para estar con El!!😊😊Como pasa el tiempo y ahora me toca a mi primero Dios!! Y estoy emocionada q vas a poder estar aquí porque se q tu apoyo me va animar mas😊😊😊love u ma sister!!!
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